Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
