i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
