david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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