Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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