Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
