I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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