Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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