is your mom at the bar?
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize