we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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