I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
