all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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