My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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