The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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