so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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