I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Randomize
