I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize