a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
