no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
