I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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