i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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