How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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