i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
it's like heaven, but drunker
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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