i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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