After last night, I could never be a politician.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
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