How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
