Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
