im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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