I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
