I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
