My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
