She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
