Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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