im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize