i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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