sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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