I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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