I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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