So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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