Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
