Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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