For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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