holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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