u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
