Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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