i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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