even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
So many bounce houses so little time
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
