does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
