I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
