If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
