census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
