How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
