i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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