dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
