I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
