Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
