that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
