God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
