Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
