got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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