if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
