so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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