I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
