The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
