found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
