Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
