her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
