How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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