I want to have your abortion
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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