Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
